Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Tree Drama

Friday night we decided to put up our Christmas tree.  It's early, but we don't have many free weekends with basketball, our church Christmas program and holiday parties.  That last sentence really makes us sound a lot more important that we actually are. 

So, a little background on our tree.  We needed a new tree about 4 years ago, and Kevin decided to go get one while I was working at church.  That worried me because he operates under the idea that "bigger is better."  I gave him firm instructions to get a pre-lit tree since I can't stand putting lights on trees.  He was also told to stay under 7 ft.  He bought a 9 ft tree when we were first married and the first thing people would say when they came in our house was, "WHOA BIG TREE!"  It took about 4 hours just to put together, and then you had to put on lights.  And then you had to put on the ornaments.  And then you had to move all of the furniture out of the room to accommodate the hugeness.  Will went with him to try to tame Daddy and remind him of the rules.  I came home to find a 7 ft tree (yea) that didn't have lights on it (boo).  Kevin said, "Before you get mad, this was the best looking tree.  The pre-lit trees weren't that pretty.  I promise that I'll always put the lights on it and you won't have to."  And he put the lights on that year, and that year only.  The past 3 years I've put lights on the tree and said some not Christmasy things about Kevin and his tree choice.

Now, back to Friday night.  Emma and I started sorting the branches because Kevin also bought the type of tree where you have to insert each individual branch.  Fortunately, Emma gets into this kind of thing and was all about sorting.  Next we put the pole in the stand and noticed it was leaning.

Me:  Kevin, the tree is leaning.
Kevin:  It's what? 
Me:  Leaning.  The tree is leaning.
Kevin:  Well, you shouldn't have bought such a cheap tree.  That's what happens when you don't spend money for quality.
Me:  You bought the tree.  That's why it doesn't have lights on it.
Kevin:  I didn't buy this tree.  I would have never bought a tree like this.  It's ridiculous to put all these branches in it.  Seriously.
Me:  Seriously, you bought the tree, and it's leaning.
Will:  (calling from the computer where he's playing a game) Yeah Dad, you did buy this tree.  I went with you and told you that mom wouldn't like it.
Kevin:  Well, whatever.  It's probably leaning because it's been put together wrong all these years.

It's a miracle that Kevin isn't leaning right now because I had a real good idea about where the pole should go.  He finally got the pole straight, after several wrestling sessions and a brief vocabulary lesson about the tree's mother.  Now for the branches.

Emma and I started fluffing each branch before putting them into the tree.  Apparently, this goes against an ancient tree-putting-together-code.

Kevin:  WHAT ARE YOU DOING?  YOU NEVER FLUFF THE BRANCHES FIRST!  YOU PUT IN THE BRANCHES, THEN FLUFF LAST!

Me:  Really?  Are you saying this out of experience from the last 3 years when I've put the tree together myself?  Because I always fluff first, put in the branch, then adjust.

Emma:  I agree with Mama!

Kevin:  No!  Everyone knows you don't do it that way!  Good grief!  Who taught you how to put a tree together?  That's the most jacked up way to put a tree together.  And what are you doing with the branches?  You are making them go in different directions!

Me:  Branches on trees grow in different directions.  Have you ever seen a pine tree?

Emma:  I agree with Mama!

Kevin:  Branches grow up!  They grow towards the sun.

Me:  I'm thinking of putting these branches where they won't see the sun.

Kevin:  Well that's real nice.

Emma:  I agree with Mama!




Somehow the tree got up.  Kevin isn't walking funny, and we are still married.  All of these things are miraculous.

Then we started with the lights.  By "we", I mean me.  I started with the lights.  And here is the big mystery of life.  How is that I have all the lights we used last year, and they fit on the tree, but this year I don't have enough?



That's right.  I need at least 2 more strands of these lights.  AND, to make it even more fun.  I can't find lights like ours anywhere.  I'm going to have a jacked up, half-lit, crooked Christmas tree.   Emma and I gave up at that point.  We spent the rest of the evening with some people who understand us. 



It was the episode about crawdad genitalia and nutria rats.  That completed our holiday spirit.


1 comment:

  1. I will never ever go back to a not pre-lit tree again. Although for a few years we did have one so big that BoyChild had to haul it out of storage and put it together for me (it was three sections though, not individual branches). I still have pre-lit, though smaller now due to installing a gas heater last year and having less wall space to shove the furniture around to accomodate oversized tree.

    And I'm pretty sure I would not have been as "courteous" to Kevin as you were. ;-)

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